Friday, 19 July 2019

When Are You Having Children

Dear Readers,

Sadly we live in a world where many people assume that once you’re married or been in a relationship for may years... you must have children. Let me tell you something you are WRONG!

As a young woman who's been married for a couple of years, I fall under this category and believe me the amount of people who ask me about children, but don't accept my decisions and continue to question my response is astonishing! 

I'm writing this post because it comes about after getting so fed up from someone who was always asking me about this topic. This person isn't a close friend, or family member, but an acquaintance. It was never hi, how are you, but hi, when are you having children, are you trying for a baby, you know you can always adopt if you're having trouble, etc. In the end I flipped and told them it was none of their business, because quite frankly, it isn't. I am not sharing my personal circumstances in this post, as they are private to me, but this is more of a generalised post, and I'm sure many women and men will understand or relate to this 100%.

A lot of women around the world believe that their role is to have children, but sadly some are unable to have children for various reasons. For these women, it can be heart wrenching. Not just women, but men too, but what I've noticed in today's society, men apparently don't suffer as much as women, which is totally wrong! It's as difficult for a man being told they can't have children, as much as a woman, but all focusses sadly go onto the woman, as they carry the child.

One of these reasons being chronic illness.

You don’t know what is happening in the life of a couple. Some may have been trying for years. Some may have gotten pregnant and lost the baby. Some can’t have children and aren’t going to try. 

Some just don’t want children. These couples always get questioned on their reasons as to why they don't want children, but why do people think that they have to question their decisions?

As focusses of having children, seem more on the women, it is the women that get asked the questions. People ask women, 'when are you having children' some respond with, 'oh we don't want any' just to try and move on from this conversation. Inside they are hurting, inside they are crying, inside they just want to tell you to 'shut up' but they don't. They smile and change the conversation.

One saying that is all too common is... "why don't you just adopt." Don’t tell a woman to “just adopt” that is the most insulting and ignorant thing to say. It’s not that some people are against adoption, I think adoption is a wonderful act, but some people may not have £1000s to “just adopt”. It’s not as simple as ‘oh I’ll have that child please’- there's finding the right child, fostering, soliciting fees, etc, before the adoption can even take place. This can take months!

All these sayings of...
when are you having children
why don't you just adopt
things happen for a reason
you can always try again
you're young, you've got many years ahead of you


So please, please, please, think before you speak, words like these can be so demoralising. I’ve seen the way some women react to children questions and it hurts them more than you realise. 

To be honest, it's quite frankly NONE of your business. It's the business of the two people who are in that relationship. It is up to them on how much they share with you. Don't keep pressurising them with asking them more questions. They do not have to answer you. Leave them be.

Thanks for reading!

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